EC - Insights !

Just follow this conversation:

You look a bit upset, what happened?

I had gone to attend my friend's wedding....I arrived there two days before and did my best in arranging all things there but once the wedding got over he completely ignored me. He didn't even acknowledge my services. I was shattered.

 
I can understand. It's OK.

What OK? While leaving the place he didn't even give a shake-hand.

 
I think you are playing the same clip again and again.....break that pattern.
 
But how?

Didn't others say good things to you?

 
Yeah..a lot of people there made me happy and gave me very good memories but I am getting bothered by the last part...why didn't he say Goodbye....I was completely cold shouldered...

Now it is you who is ignoring all the good things and running after that one wrong thing....pardon me for saying this but it's simply ungrateful of you not to be happy about all the happiness around you.

 
Yes I am realising where I am going a bit off the track(unable to hide a smile)...give me some more time...I will be OK.

(smiling).........I will see you later...

The four P's we have .....Present Actions, Present Possessions, Present State and Perceptions are our first and the best resources.  So let's manage them well... happily and wisely.

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  I am fed up.....Please help me.

What happened? What's the issue? You can tell me...

My bosses don't understand my feelings.  I do all the work and still they don't respect my  role in the organisation. They ignore me completely whenever I do any good work but never fail to raise their voice when things go wrong even when it's not my fault. Life has become a never ending nightmare. I am dying to put an end to this.

Tell me frankly...what do you want to happen in your life?

I want people to recognize my feelings and emotions. After all I am also a human being.  I too need to be given importance for what I do.

Yes definitely...but then why should others change....I mean they are all very happy and profiting with your behaviour ....your state of being voiceless...in fact I would say that what you are  wishing now may never happen....So it is you who should be able to change....otherwise you will live in this state of being unheard, unrewarded, unrepresented forever.....

It is easy to say all these but changing a person's inherent nature is practically impossible...I have tried that many a time and I keep coming back to my old state.... 

At least now understand this truth plainly and clearly, till now you were using every moment of your life, every occasion, big or small, to suppress your own voice or to put it more appropriately, making it more acceptable to others; now you need to make it more acceptable to your "own" self...you need to take a U-turn. Are you ready?

I will try my best.

No, you are not going to try...you are going to LIVE every moment of your life to find happiness in the present and not DIE every moment of your life thinking that you will find happiness in future. The choice is entirely yours to make: LIVE for a change, not DIE thinking that things will change for better...and remember ...if you keep on delaying this change...soon you will have absolutely NO CHOICE but to CHANGE.

No...not any more....this time I am going to CHANGE...I mean LIVE for a CHANGE...and I thank you for all this time and talk...I will become THE CHANGE I WANT TO SEE IN THIS WORLD...

Remember, you won't offend people if you stick to communicating your feelings, as opposed to telling others what they should or should not do!

The formula for assertive communication is a strategy like this:

I feel "hurt/disappointed" when you "don't value my work" because "it makes me feel like being exploited (or used)". I need to "be properly (and formally/officially) acknowledged and recognised for the work I am doing here."

Here first you mention how you feel when some injustice is done to you and then you state why you feel so. And finally you tell the other persons in clear terms as to how you want them to treat you. 

This formula works a high percentage of time and it gives you a better tool to deal with situations than anger which rarely achieves the desired results. Your tone during voicing your displeasure should convey sincerity, clarity, genuiness and respect towards the other and his/her opinions.